So when I entered college, I had to write a research paper on about anything that I was interested in. A full 5 page, lengthy one. At the time, I was really interested in hotels and tourism and also environmental issues so I combined them both and researched about eco-friendly hotels worldwide. It kind of took me off guard, because when I realized it, I was completely enthralled by the topic. Quickly, I was pretty determined that environmental studies and perhaps architecture was the path to take. I thought I had the gift, I had the interest and I was conscientious enough to achieve it. 

After a few weeks into college, we were then assigned to write about our goals for college and what we wanted to achieve in the short 4 years to come. I wrote I wanted desperately to learn about German language because German is one of the most eco-forward countries in the world. I wanted to learn about environment, architecture and all those sort. I also wanted to go to graduate schools in the states to satisfy my interests. 

Now after three years, none of those are my goals anymore, in a very good way. I tried all of them - each and every one of the fields I was interested in. I took all the courses and delved in it. But now, I’m studying ergonomics and marketing and I’m finding immense pleasure in the field =) Never be afraid to take detours in life; we’re still young!

Related to the last post, we often try to frame ourselves in certain shapes as well. We think we are only capable of this and that; unable to achieve this and that etc. We are this sort of people so we choose this. And since we choose this, we will have this kind of lives. It’s extremely parochial if you think about it. But if you only try and expand to know more about things outside your spectrum, you might even be surprised to find that perhaps the decision you’re making is made only because of your ignorance. 

There has been several deaths that befell me this past week and so it really got me thinking about life and what to do to live the fullest. I remember my teacher telling me that it’s impossible for you to not regret any of your choices you’ve made in your life. Imagine this: each and every decision you made is a little branch on a tree. You’d think that maybe if you had made another decision at a young age, you’d prosper at a much different place and perhaps more successfully. But think about it probability wise - there are bound to be more and more decisions to come, making your life more and more complex, subtly changing your life everyday and every moment that it’s hard to say what could have been better.

So that’s why it’s utterly imperative to focus just what’s in front of you. 

So it seems like job-hunt has officially come around. Many intern positions are available and open right now, so I’m going to be heading for some interviews in a few weeks. Getting an intern will hopefully make me more clear of what I want to do and what field I want to dive into. 

Wolah! And, wish me luck! 

It’s difficult for one to completely jettison all the assumptions one has for many variety of things. For me, I realized that I keep on trying to frame people in certain shapes so that it could be easier for me to make decisions or impressions afterwards. For instance, if someone treats me badly, it’s easier to think that he/she’s simply a bad person with a bad sense of judgement. But life’s not that simple. And people aren’t so simple too. I probably have a hundred different kind of personalities depending on whom I talk to. Also, it depends on what kind of scenario it is. If you’re an introvert, you might act bashfully and make people think that you’re not so likable. But when the setting changes to a place like bar, you, though an introvert, might showcase a complete different persona. Moreover, when the language you speak changes, your persona changes as well. I find myself more liberal when I talk in English. And though personality doesn’t change by a language, the structure of the language somehow in somewhat way frames you. 

So people aren’t that simple. And probably, the bully you met in middle school isn’t a bully anymore. He may have changed after that, and really thrived - and became a successful attorney for example. So when my mother told me this: “You could hate his/her particular behavior at particular time, but not his/her whole being,” I thought it would take a Buddha’s mind to ever experience such mindset. But now, it sort of makes sense, and it sort of comes into me naturally. When someone does something bad to me, I try not to relate too much on that incident with his/her being; instead, I try to discard the thought. Remembering all the good things he/she has done for you is also a good remedy. And when only bad things pop in your mind about him/her, then maybe allow some distance, allow some time to let the bad things flow out. In which case, time is the best remedy for all kinds of relationships. 

Here’s an excerpt from “What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20” 

…When I was a freshman in college there was a fellow in my class who had a physical handicap that required him to use crutches to walk. One day he slipped walking down a ramp to class and fell to the ground. As he was struggling to get up, I didn’t know what to do. I felt uncomfortable walking by without helping, but I was afraid that if I approached him I would embarrass him by drawing attention to his disability….Years later, I was running on campus at Stanford. It had rained the day before and I fell hard in some mud. Bruised, hurt and muddy, I sat on the curb with tears streaming down my face. At least a dozen people walked by, and not one asked me if I needed anything. At that exact moment I knew what I should have said to the fellow who fell in front of class years earlier and to my classmate who lost his mother. All I needed was someone to ask, “Are you all right? Is there anything I can do for you?” …